Six months old.

Nora Lea, I’ve wanted to write you monthly, heck, weekly.

I wanted to craft loving letters about how much you’re changing and how much I love you and post them here, in this public record.
I wanted to do it more often.
But as happens, life got in the way.

First?
Welcome to the family.
Since it had just been James and Pinot and me for so long, we were eager for your arrival.

You are simply amazing and we’re so happy you’re here.
No, that’s not big enough.

You are better than all expectations.
You are healthy and bright and beautiful.
Those are three blessings we weren’t quite prepared to receive.

Thank you.

I want to apologize as well, I’ve been really stressed out these six months.

See, I want to do right by you.
No, that’s not strong enough.
I want to exceed expectations for you.
No, that’s not right either.

I want to be the best damn mother in the whole damn world for you.
I want to do more than right by our family.

My responsibilities have been to take care of you while bringing in my share of the income. I have been so stressed because I have been certain I failed on both ends.

You can probably tell that if you read the last six months of this web site.

Being a full time mom and working full time does not work.
So I chose mom.
My clients left. And it’s my fault.
But I’m fixing it. I will fix it.

Nora Lea, your job is to be the baby.
Your job is to grow, and grow and grow.
Guess that’s still my job too.

During the day when we hang out, we have lots of fun.
We have routines.
It doesn’t hurt that you’re so easy.

Your smiles are frequent.
Wide grins, more frequent.

You are so loved.
We love you so much.
We have so much fun with you.

So far, your tears are only the result of hunger.

There have been some hollers when we take away something that’s dangerously fun, but other than that, you are filled with sweetness.

When you become overly tired?
You giggle maniacally.

When I become overly tired?
I sit in the middle of the living room and sob.

See?
You’re already way ahead of me in maturity and general awesomeness.
I’m not quite sure I deserve you.

I mentioned that — I didn’t quite think I deserved you — to your Grandmama after taking you home from the hospital. I told her that I didn’t realize how deep-seated my belief that I didn’t deserve nice things was.

I was confused that you weren’t broken,
that you were healthy,
that you were perfect.

Who am I to get a perfect baby? I don’t deserve such blessings.
Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?
Guess there’s a bigger lesson in there.

You were perfect just the way you were.
You are perfect just the way you are.

And if you ask your Grandmama, my mother, you’ll hear that bigger lesson too.
We are perfect just the way we are.

Mothers are funny like that,
they are a wellspring of love, hope and support.
I hope I can provide that love, hope and support for you the way your Grandmama has done for me.

Your Papa can’t wait to come home to see you, he can’t wait to wake up to see you.

We just came off of a week’s vacation.
Your Papa was at home with us.
He loves you so much.

During the week, you sometimes took a long nap.
I found him pacing back and forth in front of your door awaiting the minute you’d wake up.
It’s so much fun to see you play with his nose, tousle his hair, hug his shoulder.

You have his eyes,
you have his investigative nature,
you are laid back just like him.
There is no mistake, you are his daughter.

I love to see you love each other.

You love Pinot. You chuckle when ever you see her enter a room. You try to touch her face, her head, just like we do. She’s extraordinarily gentle with you.  We’re still working on the gentleness with you, grin.

I love to see your love for our Pinot.

They say that this time goes so fast.
I have to argue with that.

This time is definitely filled with more activity.
There are more task-oriented projects going on at any time — diapers, feedings, dishes, laundry — and they can make the time appear to be going faster.

But time has slowed down for me.

Taking the time to look in your eyes, to see what you see, to delight in what makes you squeal, these are the things that give me extra time in the day.
This slows time down for me.

And I thank you for that gift.

Happy six months Nora Lea.

Tags: baby letter, Nora Lea, six months old

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